Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
