You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize