What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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