Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
