Im at strip club and am horny
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I have aggressive nipples.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize