I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
