We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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