They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
