did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
