Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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