So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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