Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
