Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
40s are totally the cure
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
