tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
