There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
