and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
