so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize