i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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