I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
