His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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