I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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