I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
