I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize