erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
