Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Randomize
