Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
