Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize