The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
We're too hungover to prance.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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