Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
be right there i have to get my cape
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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