I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
