come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
It's blow job season.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
