I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
