I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
