I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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