His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
