I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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