Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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