Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
