...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
