My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
