you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
