alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
