Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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