Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
