Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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