just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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