erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
