I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
