i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
