So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
