Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
And then he peed in my hair
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