we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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