so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
