do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
