OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize