She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
i now understand why vodka
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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