before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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