I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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