Well douche your snatch and let's go!
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
