Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize