After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
