Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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