We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
