You're my little dorito
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
