Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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