I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
