If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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