I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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