i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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