I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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