I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
