Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
